Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, Life, Mental Health

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, You’ll keep getting what you’ve always got…

English: This is a graphic representation of t...
English: This is a graphic representation of the “Stages of Change” in the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Never a truer word spoken…

Hi, readers how’s it going?

I’ve not been writing for some time now. It’s odd how despite writing being one of the biggest loves in my life I go through periods where I have nothing to say, no words to type and can go ‘silent’ for months on end. I’m not saying I’m back now, cause this may just be a one-off update post, even I don’t know at the moment.

So, why the title? Well it’s like this….Having BPD there are certain ways in which I change my lifestyle often, it’s all part of that unstable sense of self and image, the boredom, the constant need to have ‘something’ to occupy me in some way.

But, in other ways I have a tendency to get stuck in a rut, stuck in a routine… always doing what I’ve always done… It is these things that are the things likely to have a negative impact on my life in some way and it takes me a long time before I am able to stop, break the pattern and make a change – that needs to be made!

I’m always very honest and open about every aspect of my life, the most intimate details are often laid bare for all to see and cast judgement upon – but I can be too open, there are times when you really shouldn’t pour out your every waking thought and action to the World and I have often been unable to see when I have crossed that line, I am naïve. Before anyone starts saying “You naïve? never” I’m not saying I am naïve about ‘everything’ just that there are some things where I am and I learn some hard lessons as a result of my naïvety.

I make mistakes in who I trust, what I share and what I do.

And now is one of those times where realisation has caught up with me again and I know it is time to STOP.

It is time for a change, because if I keep on doing the things I do I’m going to keep getting the same results, if I want a different outcome I need to change my way of doing things…

This all probably sounds very vague and cryptic, but I guess in some ways that is half of the point – keeping some of my business to myself is one part of the change that needs to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy, or slipping back into another crisis. This is all in a very positive light, positive mood and these are positive actions to make my life even better.

I don’t make a habit of cutting people out my life unless they really seriously deserve it, but there are a few people who will not be hearing off me any more because they are another part of the changes I need to make – negative people and influences that only encourage the ‘wrong’ behaviours in me need to go… I need to be with positive people who will encourage the best in me and support me as I battle myself to change the patterns of my behaviour that need to be discarded so that I can improve my life.

It may sound like a flippant comparison as the changes are not as huge but I’m approaching it like an alcoholic going sober, the positive people will be like my ‘sponsors’, my AA buddies. And I will also probably increase the frequency of my therapy appointments just for the bit of extra support while I get through those first early stages – another comparison – like quitting smoking, it’s going to be the first few weeks I will find the hardest, lapsing is easiest when you haven’t made much progress, but I’m pretty sure after a couple of weeks I should have made enough progress to stick with it. After all the changes are only small and minor compared to going sober and quitting smoking – simple behaviour and attitude alterations for my own benefit… I guess others may benefit from the changes too but they are really just for me…

So, I’m not going to keep doing what I’ve always done, and hopefully I won’t keep getting what I’ve always got…

Onwards and Upwards – Smile people, life is too short to wear a frown 😉

Sharon x

What about you have you made changes in your life?

What have the results of doing so been been like for you?



Self-published author whose first book Coffee Break Companion, a collection of short stories and poems is now available on Amazon. S.L.Grigg lives in Bromsgrove with her family. Working in the NHS and enjoying reading, Pilates and travel, amongst other things when she isn't too busy writing.

4 thoughts on “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, You’ll keep getting what you’ve always got…

  1. It often amazes me how BPD affected my partner/girlfriend whom I have not seen now for more than a year. She apparently thought I was the negative aspect in her life after having “love bombed me” and all the cruelty she had invoked upon me as a result of the stages in the disorder escalated into yelling, rage and eventually violence. She took me to court on allegations of me being a sex predator, having harassed her and stalked her, ALL of which never occurred. It was the disorder working amidst her persona like the shadow of death following us. It was a horrific experience for me, knowing she was the love of my life and the first one whom I ever wanted to care for. To date, many times I ask myself why it happened to her, to me. We would’ve been such a great team together. I would’ve given up my life for her, but she would not change. She thought it was I who should change, who had problems with cheating, again where none of this had occurred. It was mortifying, sad. I felt cheated out of a relationship which had hope because she “never told me” the underlying truth” of her disorder, but who would? We all want to be accepted and loved! My medical license was not affected as a result of her actions towards me in the end, yet the memories remain. The memories of all the pain she had invoked upon a nice man who was innocent of all charges sgainst him. Yes, I was very naive. But it was good for me at the time not to close myself up to people, to her, despite she took most all the information I gave her about me, only later to use it against me after the disorder escalated and the charges were levied. The court days are over, I am innocent of all charges. Now I live in peace, yet remorseful. Yes, I was the naive One……………………………


    1. Hi Peter,
      Sorry to hear what you went through with your BPD girlfriend. I am open about my BPD but I know not everyone is. It saddens me when I hear things like this because it’s so unfair. I’m glad to hear you are getting on with your life now and hope you manage to hold onto that peace 🙂 x


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